Moments of Desperation
Words don’t come easy these days.
Maybe thats the karma.
To suppose I have something to write about is arrogant in its own way. The expectation of something profound.
Maybe the idea is: “Give up everything to get that one thing you really want”; not want “need”…
Give up your relationship with friends, lovers, family.
Give up your community, your job, your being.
For a taste of authenticity.
Whatever the fuck that is.
I guess I’ve pushed all those buttons. I guess a few times at that.
It’s led me in a dark place of solitude. Surrounded by animalistic desires, strangers in the night, and being a quiet witness in a world so busy.
But we all care.
We care about our survival, in the sharpest way possible.
It stings like a prick. Like stubbing your toe. As soon as you feel it, you wish you had it.
Ever had a brain freeze?
The worst pain is the slowest, and the greatest relief comes from the pain that ends so fast.
Some days I feel like I’ve felt that discomfort my entire life. Sometimes I can’t remember a time I wasn’t putting on a show for others. In some moments I don’t think there’s a place for me at all in this world.
But alas
Here I am, spilling the tea, writing some version of events to comfort myself that I’m not alone.
Because we’re never really alone
In a world with so many passing cars, flying planes, deliveries, and social media
In a place of instant connection, there’s always someone out there who reads the words and mends their heart to yours.
At least for a moment
“The rigid and stiff will be broken. The soft and yielding will overcome” Lao Tzu